


Three times Remus flirted successfully, and the one time he didn’t

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 3+1 fic, Food mention, Intrulogical, M/M, Multiship, Vine reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Based on this post: https://cate-geo.tumblr.com/post/187052742696/i-saw-somewhere-that-someone-headcanons-roman-asThought it would be funny if Remus flirts well with people he's not attracted to but ends up saying stupid shit when he is faced with a very attractive Logan.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 106





	Three times Remus flirted successfully, and the one time he didn’t

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an intrulogical fanfiction. Idk why I ended up writing another, it's just fun to experiment with the "villain-who's-actually-not-that-bad" trope. Not that Remus is a villain, necessarily... you know what I mean.
> 
> And I'm actually doing better now! I got some motivation and the satisfaction from getting stuff done is a high I'll be riding for a while. :)
> 
> Anyway, TW: food mentions, Remus bein Remus, slight NSFW.

1.  
The clock insisted it was too late to run to the kitchen, but Remus ignored it. He wanted nacho chips and Janny wanted chicken strips.

The hallway was deserted and he snuck around the corners. Although it wasn’t like one of the light sides could prevent him from getting food, since the kitchen was accessible to everyone, Remus figured he didn’t want to risk it anyway. No need to give them more information about him or Janny’s eating habits (or really any other information to base his reputation on). It just wasn’t worth it to wake everyone up, despite the urge to show them something truly horrifying.

He tiptoed up the stairs, taking care to avoid the squeaky part of one of the steps. The rug was growing softer beneath his feet. He was getting closer.

Patton’s sky-blue door, adorned with fairy lights, passed in a blur, as did Roman’s red door with the ornate gold knocker, Virgil’s black door, and Logan’s no-nonsense navy one. The hallway opened up to reveal the living room and kitchen. Remus stopped briefly at the large hanging picture in the living room. He never did know what it meant. Why were there so many circles?

Remus shook his head and continued on to the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge and grabbed the chicken, then dashed over to the tortilla chips to shove them in his pants. He wanted one for the road, though, so he tried to open them as silently as possible-

“Remus?”

“Oh, hi, Patton.”

“What are you doing with the chips?”

Remus shrugged. “I wanted some.”

“Oh,” Patton said, surprised. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t… you know…” he flushed. “Put them in your pants.”

Remus smirked. _So that’s what Patton was worried about. I know just how to rile him up._

“Oh, no, honey,” Remus drawled. “The only thing I want in my pants is you, darling. The chips were just closer."

Patton laughed a bit awkwardly. “I’ll take a rain check and leave you alone. Sorry for bothering you.” He sounded as if he wasn’t sure if Remus was serious or not, and he all but ran out of the kitchen. Remus left the kitchen soon afterwards, wanting to follow him to tease him more, but he knew Janus was waiting. Maybe another time.

  
2.  
Remus felt the telltale tug of Thomas trying to talk to him. He rose up without much hesitation, since the project he was working on would surely be there when he got back. (Some of the other sides had a tendency to lose their work when Logan went on a cleaning spree. Nobody ever touched Remus’ work.) He was nearly finished besides. He could do the final touches of fake blood later on.

When he arrived at the commons, all of the other light sides were standing in their corners, looking at him with faces on the spectrum of disgust. Remus cackled. Didn’t take much to gross them out, did it? But maybe it was Thomas’ Catholicism to blame.

Virgil in particular was looking at him with undisguised horror, with a dash of terror thrown in. Patton wasn’t far off.

Remus gave a little shoulder shimmy and smiled toothily. “Miss me, did we?”

“Not particularly…” someone muttered.

“Anywho! What do you all need?” 

“We were wondering if you could help us come up with a frightening Halloween costume,” Thomas explained. “Virgil is worried his isn’t spooky enough, so we figured we’d ask for advice. Although,” he added as a warning, “nothing horribly inappropriate or sexual.”

Remus gave him a pouty face.

" _No_.“

Patton chimed in. “Remus, you know Thomas has to keep up his reputation as a family-friendly person.”

“Plus,” Virgil added, “Thomas doesn’t have the self confidence to pull off an… outfit like that.”

“But do you?” Remus asked seductively. Virgil flushed to the tips of his ears.

“Oh, I would love to see you all dressed up, fishnets and lace. Maybe some chunky heels, crotchless panties-“

“Okay!” Virgil yelped. “Back to Thomas’ costume.”

“What, am I embarrassing you? You seem a bit… flushed,” Remus purred. _Virgil was so funny when he got riled up._ His voice tended to crack and he got jumpier the longer the attention of the others were on him.

But Thomas called them back to the task at hand, and Remus reluctantly conceded, making Thomas his costume. _He does look good as a vampire._

  
3.  
Deceit was known for being a picky eater, and Remus was more than willing to make accommodations. Remus was known for being a good cook (even though his strength lied in making specialty coffees). Deceit liked a select list of things- some veggies, some fruits, chicken, and honey, but the list of things he didn’t like was long to the point of concern. It didn’t faze Remus, though. He could make a good meal out of basically nothing.

So that’s why he wasn’t a bit surprised when Janus asked him to make his favourite honey balsamic marinated chicken. He gathered the ingredients without much thought. The trick to making it was the paprika and olive oil, so he took the bottles off the pantry shelves mindlessly, setting everything out in an organised way so he had space to work.

Janus wandered into the kitchen. “Mmm, smells good,” he hissed with a contented gleam in his eyes. _He always looks so snake-y, even when he’s happy._

“It’s your favourite, of course you think it’s good! Wanna know what my favourite thing in the world is?”

“No.” Janus said shortly, his smile gone. He walked to the fridge and took out an apple.

“I was only going to say cooking for you!”

“No, you were going to say butts.”

“Eh, it’s a tie! Oh, and another thing!”

“Hm?”

  
“Cooking without clothes on,” Remus enunciated, devilish smirk on his face.

“Remus, don’t you dare-“ Deceit started.

Remus snapped his fingers and his clothes were gone, leaving him in only an apron and his boxers. He laughed as Deceit facepalmed.

“You’re going to burn yourself. You’re underclothed,” Deceit complained.

“Well, you’re overclothed,” Remus smirked. He took a step closer to Janus, watching his snake face closely. “Care to change that?”

With a hurried “NOPE”, Janus ran back to his room. 

Remus yelled after him, “You’ll have to come back later if you want your chicken!” He didn’t get a response, but he figured Janus was studiously ignoring him. He snickered and turned back to the marinade.

  
+1  
Remus laid on the couch, idly playing with a string from his puffy sleeves. His outfit had been through quite a lot, especially the song, and he had forgotten to mend it.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, dozing off and daydreaming. _What would it be like to put your hands in a jar of Crofters? Is there enough fruit in it for it to squish like eyeballs? What if you stuck your di-_

“Remus.”

He opened his eyes and sat up. Logan was watching him, stern somehow, eyes fixed on him. He looked uncertain. “Am I interrupting something?”

“N-nothing at all,” Remus surprised himself by stuttering. Logan frowned and stepped closer.

“Remus, are you feeling alright?” _He’s so close._ Remus could see the warmth in his brown eyes, the attractive lines of his jaw, and the slight curve of his collarbones. All in all, he was entirely too attractive, and Remus found himself with a blank mind and tingling spine.

“Sure thing,” he lied. He glanced to the corner, relieved to not see Deceit dwelling there.

Logan tracked his eyes to the corner, then roved his eyes over Remus’ face, taking in the flushed cheeks and the posture that was leaning away from him slightly. He seemed to come to the correct conclusion.

Logan slowly, teasingly, loosened his tie, holding in a small laugh as Remus followed the movement with rapt attention. He smiled. “I wanted to ask you if you had made any progress on the cloak for the costume.”

“Oh, well I-“

Logan put a finger on Remus’ lips. “I said I wanted to ask, not that I was going to. Please pay better attention in class next time.”

“But we’re not in-“ Logan pressed the finger harder, effectively shutting him up. When it was clear Remus learned his lesson (so to speak), he let go. 

“Back to the matter at hand, then. Remus, would you like to tell me if your mental constitution is satisfactory- without the lies this time?”

“I’m fine,” Remus insisted. “Just tired.”

Remus’ brain was screaming at him to say something smooth. After all, he had managed to flirt quite successfully with Janus, Virgil, and Patton, why was it suddenly blanking now?! (He told himself it had nothing to do with the super hot nerd currently eyeing him like he was a misbehaving student.)

“No, really,” Logan smirked, voice dripping with sarcasm. _Is he actually acting seductive or is Remus’ brain just acting up again?_

“It’s nothing, really, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Based on your physical attributes, you’re feeling physical attraction. You’re showing all the signs: redness in the face, dilated eyes, and faster heartbeat. So you were lying.” Logan paused. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“DO YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR MOUTH ON MY MOUTH?”

Remus blurted this completely abruptly, then put his hand over his mouth, embarrassed beyond words. Logan didn’t seem surprised by his response, only that he had said it so loudly and so suddenly. But he didn’t protest.

“Come here.” Logan slid his knees across the couch so that he was straddling Remus, his hands on his chest, one hand tipping up Remus’ face so he could bring their lips together. He kissed Remus with a fervour that was rare for him, a passion that was so different from his usual cold demeanour. 

Remus clutched him with a desperation and dug his hands into the muscles of Logan’s back, relishing the shiver he drew from him. Logan gripped him by the back of his neck. His hands burned wherever they touched Remus’ skin and he kissed him harder.

Minutes passed, or hours; Remus couldn’t really be sure. They ended up on the couch with Remus on Logan’s lap. Fingers wound into each others’ hair, legs tangled, they were interlocked like tree branches that had grown together. They took a short break for air, simultaneously. 

Logan chuckled and leaned his forehead onto Remus’. “Not bad?”

“Not bad,” Remus said, and kissed him again. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I got some inspiration! I'm going to start a new work called Golden Gleam in which Janus and Roman are from wealthy families and are betrothed, but things don't go quite as expected on their wedding day. I'm super, super excited to start it!! :) I have 3 other fic ideas in the works as well, but that's the one I'm most anticipating.
> 
> However, I should note that school started for me today. So idk if I'll be more or less active- on one hand, I'll be on the computer all day, but on the other hand, I might have Stuff to do. So we'll see.
> 
> Feel free to leave your comments/opinions/constructive criticism, per the usual!


End file.
